Lover Worry
by Heavyinmysheets
Summary: Quinlove. Quincest. Their hearts are connected to each other...and their girlfriends.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! Finally moved things over to ff. There are two of us writing this. You can call me SQ and her TQ. She'll be writing all of the Tegan parts and I'll be writing all of Sara's. We love love love feedback, so please leave comments if you can. The story is pretty self explanatory, but if you don't understand something, just let us know. Enjoy darlings. :)

**I don't know when it started, All I know is that it existed.  
It consumed me-heart, soul, body and mind.**

**-SARA-**

As my professor chirped away about some typeface bullshit, that I couldn't care less about, my thoughts still drifted to her. My phone had buzzed only a few minutes ago, signaling that I had a new text. I wasn't sure who it was from, but I knew who I wanted it to be-Tegan. That name sparked something inside me that I've yet to perfectly define.

There was this strange ache in my chest. And it seemed to be linked directly to _her._

I just can't figure it out. I miss her. But I can't miss her…can I? I mean, we've never even met. How can I miss someone I've never laid eyes on in person. God. I'm too fucking insane for this. Adjusting in my seat, I tried to ignore the clock, hoping time might pass more quickly. I tried to pay attention, really, but when something takes you over in such a way, nothing else really matters as much. It's hard to focus, like the feeling of having one too many drinks.

After the hour and a half leached by, it was time to go. Finally. I grabbed my phone and with a sharp intake of breath, glanced at the screen. There it was. The name that sent goosebumps throughout my body. Sliding the bar over, I eagerly read the message. _Hey beautiful, how's class? _Ah, she shouldn't call me that…but fuck I love when she does. I quickly typed out a reply. _Finally out, geeze. It took forever. She just kept going_

_on about the differences between Transitional and Modern. I just. I don't care. Come cuddle? _I hit send, grabbed my bag and headed off.

Walking to the elevator, I put in my earbuds and pressed play. _Little Bird _entered my ears and it immediately reminded me of Tegan. Of course, every song had that affect these days. The words captured my feelings for her, yet didn't completely encompass their intensity. I let the grin slide onto my face and mindlessly tapped my fingers to the rhythm. Reaching my floor, the doors opened and I walked out into the busy dining hall. As I weaved through the crowd, she was still on my mind. I tried to come up with reasons why she would be so important to me, but still, I failed. There was this magnetic draw to her that I just couldn't explain. This girl, with a similar face, had such a pull on me that it seemed my every moment revolved around thoughts of her. I had known her for only a few months, yet she had quickly become an essential part of my life. Right now, I just wanted to pull her close, entangle myself in her and remove any distance that might try to interfere.

Shaking my head, I pushed open the double doors. I tried to clear my head and remind myself that that wasn't just an insane idea, it was also impossible. Tegan was four hours away and neither one of us drove. We were also both in relationships. And while we were convinced what we had was not romantic, convincing others was a different story.

The summer sun hit my pale skin and I could immediately feel the pink rise into my cheeks. New York wasn't known for its heat, but this summer would be killer. It was only April, yet the temperature was already in the high 80s. My pocket buzzed and my heart immediately lept in my chest. With sweaty hands, I quickly pulled out my phone. But it wasn't Tegan's name that I read, it was Emy's. A smile spread over my face. _Meet me for coffee? _All I wanted to do was go home, take a shower and enjoy the AC but I would never turn down coffee. Especially if it was with my beautiful girlfriend. _I'll be right there, babe! _ I replied and trotted down the stone steps. I quickly headed across the street and down the block to a small coffee shop. It was tucked away in the corner space of what looked like a rundown factory. It didn't look like much, but it had the best coffee in the city.

As I pulled open the door, the cold air washed over my body and I gasped. I stepped inside and let the delicious scents of the place, overtake my senses. As my eyes began to adjust to the darkness, I scanned the tiny tables and booths, scattered throughout. Then I saw her. As beautiful as ever. Sitting in a corner booth, Emy was propped up on one elbow and glancing down at her phone. Her short hair hung in her face and her bottom lip was pinched between her teeth. I meandered around the other tables that blocked my path and scooted in the booth across from her. She jumped at my presence, clearly snapping out of her daze. Her face lit up and she looked at me with those gorgeous blue green eyes. "It took you long enough", she said with a smirk. I slid my hand into hers and leaned across the table "I almost got hit by a car, trying to get to you. Do you even care?", I spoke. "Not at all" she replied. A grin spread throughout her face and we both laughed in a comfortable unison.

She slid an iced beverage towards me, along with an unopen straw. "Aww, babe! Thank you!" I said in a voice that was MUCH higher pitched than normal. "Of course! It's fucking hot outside. I mean, isn't this supposed to be spring?" she said as she leaned back in her own booth and grabbed her own drink. I let out a noise that could only be understood by some sort of bird and quickly unwrapped my straw. Punching it through the top of the drink, I immediately brought the straw to my lips and sucked in. The icy liquid entered my body, chasing away the heat. I sighed and slunk down into the booth, leaning against the wall on my right side. Emy was busy gulping down her sickly sweet beverage and enjoying the oasis from the heat, as I was.

I heard the vibration of my phone against the booth and I could tell by her face, that Emy heard it too. "Tegan, I'm guessing?" she spoke. Her words somewhere between a question and a statement. Her eyes focused on her drink as her fingers traced the droplets clinging to her glass. I grabbed my phone and saw Tegan's name displayed on the screen. "Of course" I replied, knowing that the answer wasn't really necessary. I fought the need to read the message and sat my phone on the table. Lifting my eyes to Emy's face, I grazed her hand with mine and intertwined our fingers. She grinned and looked at me. The worry was noticeable in her face and I gave her a reassuring glance as I squeezed her hands. "I love you, Emy. You're the only one I love". As the words flew out of my mouth, her posture reflected her belief. I loved her, that part was true. But in the depths of my soul, I knew the last part of my statement was a lie before I even spoke the words.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's Chapter 3! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. This few days have been crazy! Hope you enjoy!  
-sq  
_

The sticky heat poured in through the open window of the city apartment Emy and I shared. Stretched out on the couch, I tapped my fingers against my collarbone. A few days had passed since I tried to explain my feelings, towards Tegan, to Emy. But how can you explain something you yourself don't even understand? My ears were taken by a voice, familiar and strange, pouring through my headphones. Tegan's words spread throughout me and overtook my ability to think. She wrote a song about me. Specifically about me. Out of all the musicians I had been with, none of them had serenaded me with a song directly inspired by my existence. I was still in awe. Her words were honest and beautiful. More importantly, they spoke about things that we couldn't speak out loud. It assured me that I wasn't the only one with an aching in my chest. I wasn't sure what all of this meant. I loved Emy, but my feelings for Tegan were undeniable.

It had been two weeks since Emy had planted the seed in my head, that Tegan and I's feelings might not be as platonic as we thought. Two weeks of realizing that I was in love with this woman I had never met. It still seemed absurd to me. I was in love with Emy, I hadn't even so much as looked at anyone else, the entirety of our relationship. But this…there was definitely no denying that Tegan and I were intertwined in ways we had never imagined. She was coming to visit the coming weekend. I had been counting the days and every moment that brought me closer to seeing her, was welcome.

I sat up as I heard Emy come through the door. I ripped my headphones out and tossed them aside, hoping to remove any evidence of what I had been doing.  
She sat her bag down and threw herself on the couch next to me. "How was class" I asked. She closed her eyes, "Absolutely boring. I have a huge project due next week and well, I know I won't be able to work on it this weekend." Exhaling, she got up and walked in to the kitchen. I knew I needed to comfort her. I knew I needed to assure her that it was all going to be okay, but I couldn't. I couldn't tell her because I didn't know. I was conflicted and confused. Tegan and I had talked about things with each other as we had with our partners, but it only seemed to make things worse. We had never met, we were happy with who we were with, but there was this feeling between us that couldn't be turned away. We felt whole, when we spoke. We needed each other and physically hurt when we didn't talk. Like a soul divided and placed in two bodies, we needed to be together. We needed to mesh. To remove any distance and hope that the two pieces would rejoin and the world would settle once more.

The day Tegan and Lindsey got here, Tegan and I would spend alone. We had had this day planned or weeks, but with...recent events...it had become more of a strained idea. Emy was pissed and her heart was cracking. She was threatening to unravel and there was little I could do to help.

I heard her putting the dishes away and stood up to help her. "Babe, let me do that" I said as I turned and walked towards her. Her words flowed through her lips and immediately shocked my system into freezing in my tracks. "Are you in love with her?" I couldn't completely register what she said. My brain was backtracking. My blood was coursing through me like ice water. "What?" I managed to wiggle out, though shakier than I had wanted. "Are you in love with Tegan" she spoke the words and I could tell by her eyes that she hated saying it. I had never thought about it out loud. Tegan's face rushed through my thoughts. Our conversations, her voice, the song...everything flowed together at once and the answer left me before I could even process the question properly. "Yes". I threw my hand over my mouth, subconsciously hoping to wipe away the word that now hung between us. The air was stiff. Emy's face was flushed and her eyes threatened tears. I made myself move and rushed over to her. Pulling her close, I tried to gather the courage to speak, but I didn't have time. Emy shoved me back. "What the fuck Sara?" she spat, "How the fuck do you fall in love with someone else when you're engaged?" Her words felt like a million needles piercing my flesh. I inhaled, steadying my voice. "It wasn't a conscious choice. Actually, I didn't even realize it until recently." I spoke the truth. I was already caught, red handed, I might as well turn to honesty.

Emy's face dropped. Her shoulders slumped and I knew what she was thinking. "I'm still in love with you. That's the thing. I'm in love with both of you. Well fuck, don't I sound like a mental case. " I tried to make her laugh. It was my go to path when I didn't know how to help a certain situation. Usually, it worked, this time, it just pissed Emy off even more. She slammed the dishwasher shut and pointedly walked past me, towards our bedroom. "Baby, please, just talk to me" I pleaded. She spun around to face me and her entire body was tense. "Sara, what the fuck so you want to talk about? You ask me to marry you, months ago. You tell me I'm the one for you. You spew all these lies about how in love with me you are and then you fall in love with a stranger you've never met?" Her eyes were glistening and her body was starting to shake. She was losing her composure. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her. I stepped forward and she held up her hand. "No, I can't touch you right now" her voice quivered and the tears spilled on to her cheeks. My heart was breaking and tears threatened to burst through my own eyes. I could see it in her face. The pain. The agony. She knew she didn't have all of me anymore. She was crumbling and falling apart and nothing could help her. Yet I tried. "Emy, I didn't try to find someone else. I didn't mean to fall in love. Why the hell would I? Why the fuck would I fuck all of this up willingly? I'm in love with you. You're the one for me. That hasn't changed. My heart just needs her. I'm not sure how. I'm not sure why. I just know that it's there and wants her too."

As I spoke, she cried harder. But I know I had to be honest. I couldn't hide anything from her now. "It's so hard to explain" I exhaled and looked down. "Try?" She asked. Her voice was a little more steady now. I knew she was just holding together long enough to listen to me, so I continued. "When we first started talking, Tegan and I were friends. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I still saw her in a platonic way. I told you then that I realized things had evolved." It was true. Granted she had prompted the conversation, I had told her nonetheless. "This is different and you know it. There's a difference between liking someone and being IN LOVE with them" she strained her words and almost breathed the last part. She wanted an explanation. She wanted to know how this could happen and what it meant. I really had no greater understanding than she did, but I had to try. She deserved that. "There's something about Tegan. She's like a missing half that I didn't know was gone. She the only thing that makes sense when I'm overwhelmed. Her voice instantly soothes me and makes me forget all the bull shit. She's woven into the very fabric of who I am and I'm not even sure how to exist without her. But l, I'm in love with you. Nothing has changed about that. Nothing has gone wrong in our relationship and I have no intention on leaving you. You're my fiancé and I knew exactly what that meant when I gave you that ring." I was almost shouting the words in the end. The tears had escaped and ran down my face, mixing in with the words that lingered on my lips. "I love you, Emy, I'm so sorry" I breathed.

A sob escaped her and I knew she couldn't hold back anymore. She turned and hastily went into the bedroom. Shutting the door behind her, I heard the twist of the lock and knew she wanted to be alone. At that moment, I hated myself. What had I done? Emy loved me and I her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But Tegan...she had captured me. She had parts of my heart and soul that I hadn't even given to Emy. It was too late. Too late to turn back. Too late to do anything about the aching in my chest or the way my stomach twisted at the mere thought of her name. And would I even do anything about it if I could? I knew the answer but I couldn't even bear to think it. I felt shitty enough as it was.

I wiped my face with my shirt and headed to my spot. The only place I could really clear my head and just exist. Walking through the office, I opened the door to the small dark closet. Stepping in, I closed it behind me and exhaled. I slid down the door until the floor rested beneath me. I called the only person who could help. The only person who could make me feel better. The only person who could tell me what the fuck I should do. Bring up her contact information, I sighed as I pushed call. The phone rang and within seconds, a familiar voice answered. "Hello?" My heart lept at the sound of her voice and my nerves began to ease. "Tegan? We need to talk".


	3. Chapter 3

And there she was-finally in front of me. Her eyes were fixated on me and mine on her. Up until that moment, I had never felt such an intense gripping at my heart. It was like watching a hurricane meet the land-terrifying and beautiful.

dI ran to her with such fervor. I needed to be near her. I needed to confirm her existence. I flung my arms around her midsection and buried my face in her neck. I inhaled as deeply as I could. Intent on never forgetting. She smelled beautiful. Like a garden after the rain, when the heat begins rising from the earth again. "Hi" she whispered in my ear. Her hot breath against my skin mixed with the sultry grin that was evident in her tone, sent a jolt of electricity throughout my entire body and ending somewhere it probably shouldn't have.

I didn't even realize that she had snaked her arms around my waist until I felt her fingers move against my spine. I laughed against her cheek and pulled my head back. Sure to not break the contact, I glanced at her face. Fuck. My stomach burned and reflected the intensity found in her eyes. She inhaled and I could tell she had been holding her breath. I saw her face relax and take on that smirk that I loved so much.

I'm not sure how long we stood like that. We probably would have stayed like that all night if our girlfriends hadn't interrupted us. I know I shouldn't be, but I was mad at them. Couldn't they see how important she was to me? Couldn't they understand that she encompassed my world so wholly?

"Let's go inside guys, it's hot out here" Emy said, as she walked closer to us. I could see the sorrow in Tegan's eyes as she pulled away from me and I'm sure it was mirrored in my own. I kept ahold of her shirt as I spun around. The look on our girlfriends' faces told it all. They were scared and intimidated. I couldn't blame them. The whirlwind that was Tegan and I's relationship frightened me too.

I gave Emy a reassuring smile and walked towards the door. I was aware of everyone's eyes on me as I walked in to the apartment, still gripping Tegan's shirt. Unfortunately for them, and for me to, I couldn't seem to care. Emy grabbed her keys, never taking her eyes from the area where my hand met Tegan.

I tried to cut the tension by throwing my free arm around Lindsey. Positioned between them, in more than ways than one, I plastered a grin on my face as I spoke, "I'm so glad you guys are here! Text one of us when you're ready to eat and we'll meet you somewhere". I could tell that neither Emy or Lindsey was thrilled with us being alone for so long, or at all. But they had agreed and there was no way I was letting them get in the way of the time I needed with Tegan. "Okay, we'll see you guys later then" Emy said in a tone that I knew all too well. She could sense the friction between us and I knew it.

Lindsey walked around me and forcibly pulled Tegan's face to hers. She kissed her and I half expected to see her cut her eyes at me. I could tell Tegan was struggling, though she'd never show it. I could tell that she was trapped, much like I was, between loving her girlfriend and hurting me.

After a few tense seconds, Lindsey broke the kiss and walked towards the door. Emy stepped over and grabbed my face between her hands. "I hope you know how much I love you" she said, her voice not much louder than a whisper. And she did. I could see the hurt in her eyes and it crushed me. "I do. I love you too baby. Stop worrying!", I reassured her with a squeeze and kissed her on the lips. I could almost feel Tegan tense and I knew that she was going through what I had. Emy pulled away and walked towards the door. Within seconds, they were gone and Tegan and I were alone.

I felt her fingertips tracing up the hand that was still attached to her shirt and she gently pulled it away. My heart lurched as the contact was broken-but she didn't let go. Instead, she slid her hand into my palm and interlaced our fingers. I felt the jolt again, mixed with the shaking of my nerves. "So. This is where I live. And. Uhm. I'll give you the tour." Ugh. How dumb did I just sound? I looked away. I looked at anything I could, trying to settle my nerves. Trying. And failing. Without looking at her, I started showing her the apartment. I could feel her eyes on me as I showed her the different rooms. I finally pulled her into the last room.

I could feel the sweat pressed between our palms. A clear giveaway of my nerves. "This is the office...or...guest room. Though there's no bed in here yet". My voice was shaky and I felt her squeeze my hand. "A bed's not always necessary." Her voice, though almost as shaky as mine, had a sensual undertone and it did things to my body that was more than friendly. I blushed and tried to hide it. I glanced up at her face and the red tone of her cheeks let me know that her comment had the same affect on her. I smiled, happy with the fact that I obviously wasn't alone in my feelings.

"This" I said, gesturing to the walk-in, "is the closet". I swallowed as I walked in the space. The walls closed in, causing Tegan to walk a little closer to me. I could feel her other hand brush against my own. I could feel her breath against my neck and a shiver rocked my body. "Sara" the conviction with which she said my name, tore through my every muscle. I hated my name. But I could learn to love it if it continued to flow past her lips. She was almost pressed against my back. I couldn't breathe.

"Tegan" I returned. I could feel her exhale as she stepped even closer to me, closing the inches between us. She slipped her left hand out of mine and around my waist. I inhaled sharply, unaware of if I had been holding my breath or not. I turned around to face her. Her eyes were closed and her jaw was set. I could tell she was trying. Trying to hold back everything. "Look at me", I whispered. Her eyes still closed, she lifted her head in my direction. "Look at me Tegan". I saw her swallow, in reaction to my words, and her eyes fluttered open.

As soon as they met mine, the same electricity coursed through my body. I worked my hands around her waist and pulled her into me. I heard her breath hitch as our bodies meshed together. Our eyes were still locked and I could feel her fingertips press into my back, attempting to pull me even closer-though there was no more space to eliminate. "I missed you" she breathed. If I hadn't been standing so close to her, I would have never have even known she spoke. "I'm right here. I've been here all along". I mimicked her hushed tone. And it was true. Though we hadn't met, I had always been there. I could tell that my words hit her-in a good way. She grinned at me and leaned her forehead against my own. I felt her hands slide under my shirt and she drummed her fingers against my lower back. I inhaled, hoping to clear my head but her intoxicating scent made that idea completely impossible. I could feel the wetness growing in my center and it was hard to fight the urges that were filling my head. We had agreed to specific rules. We had created specific boundaries. They were meant to help us but right now, they were doing nothing more than keeping me from the person I wanted. I could feel myself faltering as I slid my hands up and forward. Pushing her shirt up, I brushed my fingertips along her bare sides. She slammed her eyes shut, letting a slight moan slip past her lips. I bit my lip and tried to swallow the moan that threatened to escape my own mouth.

I didn't know what to do next. I knew I shouldn't be doing this. But I craved every bit of her. For months, I had wanted this. And here she was, inches from my face. Her breathing was unstable. I could feel her shaking slightly against my body. I cautiously moved my hands up her stomach and paused. My thumbs pressing into her flesh, I could feel the throbbing intensifying in the area I wanted her most. Tegan's hands were still on my back, though she was digging considerably more into the soft skin then she had been.

"Are you okay?" I asked. My voice shaky and my breathing unsteady. She said nothing, but she answered me by pressing her lips against mine. There was a hurry in her movements, as if she didn't know what to do first. Her nails scraped into my back as she drug her hands forward to my sides. She moved her right hand up to my cheek, leaving a fire in its place. Her tongue grazed mine and I could no longer suppress the moan in my throat. She tasted like heaven. In seconds, I slipped my hands further up, brushing my fingertips against her chest. She moaned into my mouth and quickly grabbed my sides, pushing me against the wall. I gasped. The cold wall on the bare part of my back coupled with her body once again pressing against me, was almost too much to handle.

She broke the kiss for a second and moved her hands to the waist of my jeans. "What do you want?" Her husky voice broke the silence and caused more aching between my legs. She knew what I needed but I could tell she just wanted to hear it. "You. Just you." I replied and didn't attempt to hide the want in my voice. Her lips were immediately on mine again and her hands continued working on undoing my pants. I wrapped my hands in her hair as she slid my bottoms down. I kicked them across the tiny space and quickly scraped my nails against her delicate skin. I moved my mouth to her neck and drug my tongue against the skin beneath her jawline. She moaned louder than she had previously and began to push my shirt up.

"Not yet", I breathed into her ear. I could feel the goosebumps rising on her skin and I grinned-still amazed at the affect I had on her. I moved my fingers to the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. She was beautiful. My heart soared. Her pale skin glided along her strong frame. We moved back together quickly, sure to not let the space have too much time between us. She began to kiss the sensitive parts of my neck and I felt the wetness growing beneath my boy shorts. Tegan tugged at my shirt, "please Sar?" She exhaled. I knew what she wanted. I wanted it too. She pulled the shirt up over my head and tossed it on the floor. Heavy breathing fill the silence. Tegan placed a hand on the wall on either side of my head. She smashed her body against mine. Her moans collided with my own as our skin pressed against the others. "Not enough" I stated and quickly wound my hands up and unhooked her bra. I pulled it over each of her arms. Reaching behind me and undoing my own, I discarded it with my shirt.

I looked at her. Her eyes were closed. Her lips parted. Her neck, pulsing with the rush of blood through her body. Her chest, rising and falling rapidly. I reached around her and pulled her close. As soon as our bare breasts collided, I felt what I was missing. Every question I had had, was answered. In that moment, she was mine and I was hers.

I felt her teeth graze against my pulse point and whined. I needed more of her. I raked my nails against her back and was satisfied with the hiss that Tegan let out. She moved her left hand to my lower back while her right trailed across my chest, brushing against my right nipple. "Oh, are you cold?" She said, jokingly. "Quite the opposite, actually" I returned. I watched her smile evaporate as she took my breast into her hand and lightly squeezed. I saw the lust in her eyes and I knew she could see it in mine. Her hand continued down my stomach and I couldn't help but shudder against her. I felt her fingers playing with the band of my underwear. Reaching down, I unbuttoned her pants and started forcing them down. I felt her hips move against me and I knew she needed this too. Her hand moved further into my underwear until her fingers dipped into my throbbing center. "Fuck. You definitely aren't cold" her voice echoed with surprise and passion. I groaned, aching for her. Her fingers traced my cunt, her palm pressing against my clit. I let out a noise that obviously pleased her. "You like that?" She taunted. She wanted me to beg. I could tell and I couldn't even fight it anymore. "Yes. Fuck yes. Baby, please". I could barely speak, but she understood. She dipped inside me. My wetness reassuring her that she was doing everything right. Pushing inside me, I moaned loudly into the air. She pumped in and out of me, curling her fingers up and hitting the area that ached. My senses were blurring. My body was throbbing. My skin was tingling. I knew I was getting close. Moans were escaping me uncontrollably as she continued to use her hips, thrusting her fingers deeper inside. She pulled me closer and drug her nails down my back-digging into my skin. "Shit" I said through gritted teeth. My breathing intensified and I could feel myself clenching around her. She drug her left hand down my side, not sparing me her nails as she did. She moved the fingers of her left hand to my shaved mound and pressed into my clit. With one hand massaging my bundle of nerves and the other fucking me senseless, it didn't take long before I felt the throbbing in my center and I came hard around her-screaming into her shoulder. I tried to calm my breathing, but I wasn't done. I wanted her. I wanted to know what that did to her and I wanted to taste her.

Pulling her out of me, I spun her around so her back was against the wall. Using my left hand, I held her arms above her head-my cum running down her wrist. My lips found the skin just above her collar bone. I nibbled on the skin and I felt her squirm underneath me. Working my way down, I released her arms. Taking her left nipple in my mouth, I used my right hand to cup her right breast, massaging the tender flesh. She groaned. I gently took her nipple between my teeth and flicked the hard skin with my tongue. "Oh god" Tegan moaned. Her hands glided down to my shoulders, her cropped nails digging into my skin as she gripped me closer. I moved my mouth downwards, painstakingly kissing every inch of her. I dropped to my knees. Tegan gasped. She looked at me and our eyes locked. I dipped down and drug my tongue upwards, along the inside of her left thigh. She bit her lip, never breaking her gaze. Reaching my hands up, I hooked my fingers in the band of her underwear and pulled them off. I brought my mouth inches away from her pussy. Her breathing was ragged. I knew what she wanted.

Gently, I bit the inside of her right thigh and she let out a loud moan. I breathed, inhaling the scent of her most delicate place. Intoxicated, I brought my face closer to her. Keeping my eyes on hers, I gingerly licked her folds, flicking my tongue from side to side. Her juices already spilling on to her thighs. She tangled her fingers into my hair and pulled me into her. I complied. Pushing my tongue against her clit, I was pleased with the noise she made. Her hips bucked towards me and I knew it wouldn't take her long. I place my hands on the back of her thighs and pulled her closer. Shoving my tongue inside her, I felt her body quiver. I moaned in to her cunt as her salty sweet flavor filled my mouth.

I slid my right hand up to where my mouth was and slid two fingers inside of her. Her body jerked-twisting above me. I traced her clit with my tongue, making circles against her. I moved in and out of her with an intense rhythm and I knew she was close. I took her clit into my mouth and sucked gently, pressing my tongue roughly against her. "Baby, I'm. Fuck. I'm about to cum". She could no longer keep her eyes open. She threw her head back as I slammed inside her, increasing my pace. Her moans turned to screams and I felt her clench down on my fingers. Her fingers tangled in my hair, gripped and pulled as she let go and road out her orgasm. Riding my fingers, her cum filled my palm.

Her body wavered. I slid out of her and pulled her down to the floor. She laid on top of me, her breathing unsteady and her body still trembling. I wrapped my arms around her, tangling my legs with hers. The sweat between us mingled with the scent of our love and settled on us. Our breathing slowed and I traced patterns along her back. "Tegan?" I questioned, not sure if she had drifted off or not. "Yes baby?" She breathed. "I love you." I said, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I love you. Always." Her voice trailing. I felt her breath take a steady pace and I knew she was asleep. I wasn't far behind. I grabbed a blanket that was laying near us and pulled it over our legs. She sighed and nuzzled into my neck. Her hands clutched me and I knew, even in her sleep, she felt it. This uncontrollable feeling of need- of love that we couldn't explain. I closed my eyes and grinned. Remembering the weeks of worry and terror, the weeks of unknowing, seemed silly now. All that mattered was this. All that mattered was her and I and our intertwined souls. The rest could be figured out later, together. I let myself give in to exhaustion, feeling safe and loved.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys. Thanks for the reviews so far! I really love getting feedback. Sorry for the slow updating. I've been having a bit of a block lately. Regarding the missing chapter-the person who was writing this story with me is no longer doing so. Therefore, her chapter has been removed.

The next few days crept by. Tegan and I didn't get much alone time, but the stolen glances and brush of her skin against mine when Emy and Lindsey weren't looking, were enough to keep my heart racing. When Tegan and Emy were in the same room, I felt whole for the first time in years. I felt pieces of me fall back in to place that I didn't even know had faltered. I felt real. Deep in my chest, there was a sense of displacement. I knew my euphoria was only temporary and the morning Lindsey left, I knew reality followed close behind.

Sitting in class, waiting for my professor to walk in, I tried to clear my head. I was nearing the end of the quarter and I really needed to pull my head out of my ass and kick it in to gear. My phone was laying on the table next to my text book when I saw the screen light up. I picked it up and read Tegan's name on the screen. She was still at my apartment and knew I was still in class. There was no reason she should be texting me unless something was wrong. I unlocked the screen and opened the message. _Lindsey's gone._ The words hit me right in the throat. My stomach heaved and an icy grip flew over my skin. I didn't understand. Why would she just leave? Had Tegan left too? The questions flew through my head. My fingers shook against my phone as I punched a reply. _What do you mean? Why? Where are you?_ My clammy hands gripped my phone and my legs bounced uncontrollably-waiting for her reply._ I'm still here. I told you I wouldn't leave you, Sar. We'll talk when you get home._

I sank in my chair. A calm settled over me, but my nerves still hung in my chest. I knew this was the beginning. This was the beginning of something that didn't have a happy ending. The classroom door shut and I slid my phone in my pocket. I had three hours to calculate my next move. I told myself that I would walk in there and everything would click in my head-that I would know what I needed to say and do..but lying to myself wasn't working so well this time.

After three hours of Italian Architecture, it was time to go home and face what I had been keeping at bay for so long. The heat crept under my tank top, colliding with the stress that collected on my skin. My footsteps thudded in my ears as the space between me and the door to my apartment closed in front of me. I fumbled with my keys-sloppily sorting through trying to find the right one. I finally settled on the bronze key and lifted it to meet the lock. Sliding it in to place, I exhaled before turning it and pushing the door open. The hallway was dark. Closing the door and locking it, I hung my keys on the hook just inside. Unhooking my wallet, I placed it on the low bookshelf and walked further in the apartment. Silence.

I could hear movement in the living room and saw Emy turn the corner. I stopped, frozen. The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know, but the sound in her voice only furthered the evidence. "Come have a seat, we need to talk-all of us." I gulped. Walking towards her, I dropped my bag on the ottoman. Tegan was already there. Her face was pale and she was leaning foreward-her hands clasped together and her arms on her knees. She flashed a small smile at me. My heart cracked. She was hurting and as much as I wanted to run over to her, I knew I couldn't. I took a seat on the couch next to her- careful not to sit too close. Every movement was precise, careful. I didn't have a clue in hell what to do but I did know that I was going to avoid hurting anyone as much as possible.

Looking up, I saw Emy has walking towards me. She sat down on the other side of me. The wholeness that I had felt only hours before was now colliding with an all consuming emptiness that was threatening to take hold. "I need to know, Sara." Emy's voice cracked as she spoke the words. My stomach lurched. "What are you talking about? Need to know what?" My voice tightened around the words. I knew what she needed but I still cling the the stupid hope that I could just glide through this without making any decisions-without hurting anyone. "Damn it Sara. Don't play that game. I see how you look at her, how you talk about her. I know you're in love with her. Why do you think Lindsey had to leave? It was too hard for her to sit around and watch the woman she loved, love someone else So just fucking tell me. Do you want her, or do you want me?" The words cut through every living part of me. I thought I was going to be sick. Her words were true. She knew it, Tegan knew it, I knew it. Fuck, Lindsey knew it and ran. So why had Emy stayed? In that second, I almost wished she hadn't. I didn't deserve that. My insides shattered. I felt Tegan shift next to me and I shifted my eyes in her direction. She leaned back in her seat. "It's not that simple. I'm in love with her, yes. But I'm in love with you too. It's not moreso one way or the other. Choosing isn't as easy as it sounds because living without either of you isn't really living." My words were more true than I think either of them realized. My soul was literally torn in half. I was two different halves of myself with them and living with only half of myself seemed all too painful to imagine. I suddenly became aware of everything around me. Focusing on everything I could to distract myself from the situation. The ceiling fan spun in slow, methodic circles, blowing the curtains against the back of the couch. The front page of the newspaper on the table, stained from this mornings coffee. I glanced down to my hands. My short nails feverishly picking at one another. Tegan's voice snapped me back to currency. "It was always you. Lindsey knew that, so she left. She knew I couldn't be without you. She knew I would never leave you. I chose you, Sara." My heart quickened-both with excitement at her words and with heartbreak at the fact that it wasn't as easy for me. I kept my eyes focused forward. I said nothing. I stared. Not blinking. Barely breathing.

I had a choice to make, and all three of us knew it.


	5. Chapter 5

I remember the first time I heard her laugh. Emy and I had been laying carpet in the living room of our dorm room together as freshman. I had clumsily tripped over the corner of a carpet square and landed in a very awkward position at her feet. She couldn't help herself and the laughter rolled out of her. It caught on and before I knew it, we were desperately clinging for air and trying to soothe our aching stomachs. I knew I loved her that night. Looking at her flushed face-her blue eyes glistening with grinning tears...I started the tumble in to hopeless abandon with her. But now, that seemed all but lost. Covered in shadow and pain. The apartment we shared, once so bright and vibrant, was now coated in a gloomy haze. Forcing my eyes open, I stared at the bare walls of our bedroom.

Pulling my knees closer to my chest, I wrapped my arms tighter around my shoulders. My sobs were dry now, the tears now dried up and gone. The crack in my chest seemingly expanding with every ragged breath. The sheets tangled around my legs, pasted to my skin by a thin layer of cold sweat.

There was a knock at the bedroom door. "Sara? Can I come in?" Emy's voice lightly carried through the cracks. "Of course" I strained. My voice was scratchy. It took all of my strength to lift myself to the edge of the bed. I hadn't eaten in days and even now, I had no desire. After all the shit I had put Emy and Tegan through-my stomach was in no shape to handle any food. The door opened and Emy slipped in to the room. Her presence immediately shifted my emotions, somewhat filling a small part of the void in my chest. She held out an envelope. I glanced up at her face, but her eyes refused contact. "What is it?" I whispered. My voice raspy. "Just take it. Don't read it until I leave." Her voice small and hollow. "Leave? You're...leaving?" I could barely breathe the words. My stomach crunched and I felt the familiar twinge at my eyes-though no tears came. "I'm heading to a friends house. I just. I have to get away for a while. I'll be back in a couple of days. Teg-she, will take care of you." She finished the words, setting the envelope in my lap and walked soundlessly out the door. I couldn't move. I couldn't blink. I wasn't even sure I could breathe properly. I heard the front door slam shut and I knew she had gone. I gasped. The pain overtaking me yet again. Another part of me driving deeper in to the depths of crashing darkness. I couldn't cry. I slid to the floor-crumpled and alone. My sobbing heaves keeping me company and threatening to crack my weak body in two. Not even a minute passed, though it felt like an eternity, before I felt a pair of warm hands slide around me. "Fuck, Sara." Tegan's voice held so much pain, both for herself and for me. She gently lifted me back on to the bed, sliding behind me and wrapping her body around me. Lacing her fingers with mine, she kissed the back of my head. "Have you read it yet?" Her lips pressed against the space behind my ear. Her words echoing a reminder to the envelope clutched tightly in my hand. Without a word, I shifted-bringing my right arm from between my thighs and up to my chest. Sliding my fingers in to the unsealed envelope, I lifted the letter out. Unfolding the paper, I started to read. Before I even finished reading my name, the dam I had built in my subconscious came crashing down. My eyes started burning uncomfortably and the hot liquid started drifting down my face-settling in the sheets beneath me. Tegan's arms tightened around me.

_Sara, _

_ Oh my Sara. First, you must know that I'm not mad at you. I don't blame you for anything that has happened. I know all too well that we can't control how we feel about a person. Our emotions, so unstable, so uncontrollable, can be our greatest downfall-but we're never to blame. I know you have a choice to make and I wish I could make it easier. Just know that even if it's not me you choose, you won't lose me. I won't leave you._

_When we first met, I had no idea your importance in my life. I had no idea how much you would bring to life all my hope for the future-all my ideals for happiness and perfection. You've changed me in every positive way a person can hope to be changed. _

_I'm sorry I left today. I just couldn't stay-not when I look at you and can't even tell will certainty if you'll be with me next week or not. I look at our apartment-our home-and I'm constantly reminded of what I'm losing. Tegan will take care of you while I'm gone, okay? I talked to her before I left. I may not be too fond of her, but she does love you. If you need anything, anything at all, I'm just a call or a text away. I love you Sara. Don't question that for a second. _

_-Emy_

My body shook with sobs. The tears were flowing down my face like rivers with broken banks. Her words had shattered any hope I had of holding myself together. I let it overtake me-the reality of the situation sitting on my chest like sandbags at the edge of a flood zone. Tegan's armed pulled me even closer, the hum of her words in my ear. "Whatever you need Sasa, I'm here". I opened my eyes, glancing back down at my hands. I hadn't realized how hard I was grabbing the letter until I noticed tiny rips along the edges. Loosening my hand, I let the letter drop to the floor. Twisting around in Tegan's arms, I faced her. She brought her thumb to my cheek and wiped away the newest tears. "You knew she was leaving?" I choked. "Yes. She told me this morning. She just needs time. She'll be back." Her words soothed some part of me but didn't put to rest the questions I had for them and myself. But I said nothing. I nestled my head in to her chest-breathing in her familiar scent. Tegan brushed the hair from my forehead, replacing it with a soft kiss. "Rest. Please." I tried to fight it, but my exhaustion had caught up with me. My eyes closed and the safety of her arms held me together long enough to find slumber.

My conscious pulled forward, jerking toward the grey light sleepily leaching through my eyelids. My eyes flashed open to see nothing but an empty bed. My fingertips found the edge of the bed, pulling my body along. I sat up, the sleep drenching through my body. The smell of food wafted through the open door causing my stomach to lurch painfully. "Tee". My own words echoed louder through my mind than they did in the air. I tried to clear my throat but there was no good to be done. I scooted closer to the edge, placing my feet on the wooden slats of my apartment floor. Pushing my weight on to both feet, I balanced myself and slowly began to walk forward. I saw Tegan, standing in the kitchen fumbling through the cabinets. She looked so lost. Her brow furrowed, her lip sucked between her bottom lip-muttering curse words as paced. I laughed. She glanced up, her face going slack and relief covering her face. "What are you laughing at? Oh, and plates?" she questioned. "Just you. Far right on the bottom." I replied breathlessly, my balance wavering. She was at my side in seconds, her arm around my waist pulling me towards the couch. "Here, sit down. I ordered chinese food. I know it's your favorite and you need your strength." she stated. "It has nothing to do with the fact you can't cook worth shit?" I muttered. She laughed and my heart lightened. "I see you're just as caddy as ever". I fell back on to the couch, pulling a blanket over my legs.

Tegan disappeared, reappearing seconds later with a plate full of lo mien, sitting it in my lap and handing me a pair of chop sticks. "Oh, and here's some water." I twisted the cap off the bottle, dragging the liquid to my lips. The icy liquid coated every parched area of my throat, sending relief in to the pit of my stomach. Setting down the bottle, Tegan and I ate in silence. I ate until I couldn't eat anymore and sat the plate on the table. I looked over at Tegan, who was still eating. She was so beautiful. I remembered why I fell in love with her. Though it was completely accidental, it had transformed the way I had seen the world. I remember the first time we talked. Online friendships weren't exactly a new thing, but something had been different with her…with us. The conversation was simple, easy. That first night, hours had passed in was seemed like minutes. The night had melted without either of us realizing it. It was effortless. It had surpassed any connection I had ever had with another person, including Emy. And even with all that beauty, I had managed to let it trickle in to this. It was my fault. My own broken reality that led us down here. It had been so easy for her to let go of all that she had known. She had essentially left behind her life for me, yet I couldn't do the same for her.

She sat her plate down, looking up at me with a gummy smile. "Do you want to watch a movie?" Her question made me smile. With everything going on, it was nice to do something simple. "I'd like that a lot, actually" I replied. Tegan hopped up, walking over the the tv, flipping through the stack of DVD's. She mumbled over a few titles before finally plucking one out of it's case and putting it in the player. Tegan walked over to the couch, settling herself in next to me. Her arm slid around my midsection and her right leg quickly fell over mine. She fiddled with the remote and the movie started playing. It was my favorite movie and a grin spread over my face at the opening scene. Tegan pulled herself closer to me, kissing my cheek. "Are you okay?" she asked. "Yeah. It's nice to be doing something normal for a change." my words came out in a small laugh. "Do you want to talk about anything?" her words were genuine, but I knew she was terrified of me…of my words. "It's just so hard because either way I'm losing someone and hurting someone. I know I have to make a decision and I have to do it quickly." I carefully spoke, watching my wording. "Sara, I just want you happy. No matter what you choose, I'll always be here." Tegan's words glided in to my ears. "Yeah, people keep saying that." I whispered.


End file.
